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“My tummy is broken”

January 30, 2010 by Mandi

Matt often enjoys relaxing in the utility sink. His idea and I think its a great one.

Matthew has a pretty high threshold for pain.  So 6 days ago when he came up to me with with his hands over his belly and a look of pain in his eyes, I knew something was not right.  “My tummy is broken”, he said sadly.  Then he burped.  I figured it was just indigestion.  Regardless of his sour stomach, he still continued to have a big appetite.  It couldn’t have been anything too serious.  But later that night, the complaining increased and it turned into screaming.  Then suddenly he got up from the couch, ran over to the kitchen sink, and hurled.  After he finished, he ran over to the dish towel drawer, pulled it opened………. and hurled some more.  “Matthew, go use the sink.”  I said as I tried to guide him back over to sink.  Apparently, the toilet isn’t good enough for him.  “No, the sink is icky now”, he said. 

After he was done I gave him a glass of water and put him in the bathtub.  As he was taking his bath, I walked back into the kitchen and looked at the vomit filled sink and the vomit filled drawer.  Great, now I have to clean all of this up and I have no dish towels to clean it up with. Matt puked on them. 

So that was a week ago and he still feels like this today.  On a good note, he’s upgraded from puking in the dish towel drawer to puking in a bowl. Much easier to clean.

 I finally took him to the doctor’s office yesterday.  “I think it’s just a nasty stomach bug”, she said.  “You just need to let it run its course.”  Run its course? It’s been running for almost 6 days now.  I used to overreact when it came to illnesses and I promised myself not to do that anymore.  It’s just very difficult when it’s your own child.  Shouldn’t he be getting better by now?  Being out of school for 5 days straight has made Matt and I both stir crazy.

Today I decided it would be fine to take him to the store.  “Do you want to choose some popsicles?”  I asked.  Popsicles are all he can tolerate right now.  “Ok.” he said.  I picked him up to put him in the grocery cart. Wow, he’s lost weight.  As I was pushing his cart he started to look queezy. I heard him softly say, “I need a bowl”.  Uh-oh.  I didn’t bring a bowl.  The ceramic aisle is almost 100 yards away (hehe).  “Ok Matt, hang on.”  I said.  I began running while pushing the cart to make its way to the restrooms.  This must have been a hilarious sight because I was wearing running clothes and running shoes. I quickly scooped him out of the cart and ran him into one of the bathroom stalls.  Made it!  Just barely though. Poor kid.  He seemed to feel a little better after throwing up. As we walked out of the restrooms, he said,  “Mommy, can I tell store workers, I puked?”, “No”, I said, ” They will worry too much.”  He nodded in agreement. A few minutes later Matt spotted another shopper in the frozen food section. “I’m sick and I just frode up”, he said to the shopper.

Oh well. I guess I didn’t tell him he couldn’t share it with fellow shoppers, did I?

Posted in Never a dull moment, autism, parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

A Biking Story (told by somebody who has no clue what she’s doing)

January 28, 2010 by Mandi

If somebody told me 2 years ago that I would be writing a page about biking, I would have said they were nuts.  Back then, I didn’t have a clue when it came to the topic of road biking.  I now have my very own road bike and I ride it as much as I can during the spring and summer. I have even competed in a few triathlons with it.  The sad thing is that I am almost as clueless about road biking now as I was 2 years ago.  So if you are hoping for some expert advice on this subject, you will not find it here.

Almost 2 years ago, one of my closest friends was sharing her experience in a triathlon she did recently.  It sounded like so much fun but I figured this type of athletic event was way out of my league.  All I could do was run.  She mentioned an All-Women’s triathlon thats held once a year in August.  It is a very low key triathlon and women of all shapes, sizes, and ages do this event.  It didnt’ sound intimidating, so why not?

One of the reasons why not:  I needed a bike.  I considered using a mountain bike.  But I kept hearing over and over again how much more effort is put into pedaling a mountain bike vs. a road bike.  So, my husband and I went to the local cycling shop one day and I looked at the road bikes. There was only one in the whole store that was small enough for me. It was an entry level bike with 650c size wheels.  After trying it out, I wanted it! My wonderful husband plopped down $800 for the bike and another $85 for the helmet.  John is usually pretty frugal when it comes to making purchases but he wasn’t going to go cheap on the helmet. One of his biggest fears is becoming a single dad.  So we left the store with my new bike and my new helmet. There was no turning back. I would HAVE to do the triathlon. 

So, I trained for about 4 months.  It definitely wasn’t intense training.  it was too fun to be intense.  Going to the pool at noon to swim for 1/2 hour almost every day, and then riding in the evening with my friends. It was a blast!  After competing in my first triathlon, I learned very quickly that the biking portion of it was not my strong point.  In fact that is where most people would pass me.  I already knew that the running part would be my strong point.  As for swimming, I’d like to say I am about average.  Ironically, out of all 3 events I enjoy the biking part the most.  Just wish I was better at it.

About a month after I completed my second triathlon, it was brought to my attention that maybe I would perform better if I replaced my platform pedals with clipless ones.  “What?!”, I thought, “That’s nuts!”, “I don’t want to be attached to this bike by my shoes!”, “What if I suddenly need to stop?”  My friends convinced me that it’s a lot easier than it looks and that I would be just fine.  So early last spring, I bought some pedals and a pair of shoes. I was set.  I was a little worried about using them so I practiced clipping in and out of them while in my bike trainer.  This wasn’t so bad!  In fact, it’s pretty easy…….in a bike trainer. 

My first day on the road: I really don’t like talking about it.  My friend and I decided to do our very first bike ride of the year on a paved trail. I tipped over and fell 3 times before ever leaving the parking lot. I was struggling to clip out of my pedals.  After falling the 3rd time, we racked up our bikes and went for a walk instead.  I came to the realization that I had only 5 months to figure the pedals out before competing in anymore triathlons.  So, within those 5 months I think I have fell over 20 times.  My biker friends admitted to me that “falling that many times isn’t normal, maybe there’s something wrong with your pedals.”  I knew it wasn’t the pedals. It was me.  But what was I doing wrong?   Finally about 3 weeks before my triathlon, my friend stopped to watch me as I struggled to clip out yet again.  “Point your toe down and twist”, she said.  As I did that, my foot practically flew out.  “That’s it?!”, I wondered. “That’s what I’ve been doing wrong this whole time?!?!”  Since I had my pedals, I was always attempting to clip out by pointing my toe up and heal down. I never bothered to even learn how the pedals and shoes worked.  That’s pretty bad!  Even for a beginner like me.  But since then I haven’t had anymore falls. Well maybe just one.

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Fun with vaccines

January 26, 2010 by Mandi

So one afternoon about two weeks ago I got this phone call from call from Matthew’s school:

Me:  “Hello?”

Secretary:  “Hi, this is the secretary from _ _ _ _ _ _ Elementary and our records show that he is past due for his Hep A vaccination.  He will not be able to return to school tomorrow until his shots are updated.”

Me:  “Um……huuuuuuuuu????” 

Panick slowly began to set in.  I had 2 major  reasons to panick. One of the reasons was not only did I have to subject him to getting poked in the arm by some stranger, I had to do it that very day! There’s no time for planning. No time for preparing.  No time to print out an illustrated social story.  Getting a shot is definitely not part of the Monday routine. 

A second reason I was panicking was because I knew that as soon  as Matt figured out he was going to get a shot, he would practically gnaw his own arm off to get away from us all.  Think of the anxiety a typical kid has when going to the doctor’s to get a shot. Now multiply that by 10. It’s an ugly picture and it’s the primary reason that we have put it off for so long. 

You might be waiting for me to give a 3rd reason of not wanting him to get his vaccine.  Many people have asked if I felt that vaccinations played a role in causing my son’s autism.  There is a great deal of controversy about a  possible MMR (Measles, Mumps, Rebella)shot and Autism link. A mercury based preservative called thimerisal was used in combination vaccine’s, such as the MMR vaccine. Over 10 years ago,  British  gastroenterologist Dr. Andrew Wakefield researched and published evidence about an autism /vaccination link. They conducted a study of twelve children with behavioral and/or intestinal disorders http://discovermagazine.com/2009/jun/06-why-does-vaccine-autism-controversy-live-on .  From this study, Wakefield and his colleagues concluded that 8 out of these 12 children developed autism within days of their MMR vaccine.  So in 2001, thimerisal was removed from all childhood vaccinations (except for influenza).  It was later discovered in 2004 that Dr. Wakefield had manipulated the 12 patient’s data that sparked this scare in the first place.  http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article5683671.ece

 So, do I believe that my son’s autism was caused by his childhood vaccines?  No.  But that’s not to say that it isn’t a trigger for others.  Truth is, we just don’t know. It hasn’t been proven.  Matthew was born in 2002 and I always asked the nurse to show me the ingredients label on his vaccines.  I never saw thimerisal.  Even with the removal of thimerisal in childhood vaccines, children are increasingly becoming diagnosed with autism. There is also speculation  that possibly other ingredients in vaccines besides thimerisal play a role. I am not yet convinced but at the same time, I do space the shots out as far apart as I possibly can.  

There are many people in the autism community who are 100% certain that vaccines are responsible for causing their child’s and many other children’s autism.  I respect the feelings and opinions of these parents.  It is such a sensitive and personal topic.  I just feel personally, that it is not what caused my son’s autism. I was actually condemned by one parent in the autism community for giving my child his vaccines. I was accused of not “caring about my son”.  Then I accused her of being a jerk. This was via internet. Because of that I decided never to join autism message boards.   

Back to Matt’s vaccination appt. There I was,  trying to create a game plan on how to get Matthew down to the doctor’s office to get him the  Hep A shot.  John would certainly be helping, but I knew that just he and I wouldn’t be enough.  How were we going manage to get him to the doctor’s office in one piece?  Aha!  I just remembered some leftover liquid Larazapam (a potent anti anxiety medication) in the cupboard.  Matt’s dr. prescribed it to him last summer when he had to go in and get an ingrown toe nail removed.  With her permission, I administered 1.5mil of the medicine one hour before his shot appt.  As soon as he began acting loopy, we put him in the car.  “Come on, Matt. We’re going to see a nurse.”  I said cheerfully.  The loopiness stopped. “Do I get a poke?”  he asked. ”Ummm, well, lets talk to the nurse first.”

 That was all it took before he screamed, kicked,  and cried in the car. Mind you, he was holding it together. It would have been much worse and probably impossible without the Lorazapam.  After a torturous 1 hour wait in the lobby, they finally asked us to come on back where there was a nurse not much taller than I am waiting with a needle.  “Is there anybody else that can help restrain him?”, I asked. ”He is stronger than you may think.”  The nurse responded, “Sorry, all the other nurses and staff are at a flu shot clinic.  I am the only one here.” 

John convinced me, that we could do this, so he put Matt in a strait-jacket type hold as I held his legs to keep him from kicking the tiny nurse.  “All done!”, she said. 

I’ve seen many kids freak out and then once the shot was over, they would kind of sigh and sometimes giggle.  Not Matt, he began screaming, “I GOT A SHOT! I GOT A SHOT!”  You would have thought he was shouting “I’VE BEEN SHOT!”.  So as we walked through the lobby to head out the door, one woman looked at him and smiled.  Clearly she was trying to make him feel better, but he perceived her as laughing at him.  “I GOT A SHOT AND IT’S NOT FUNNY!”, he shouted at her. 

Once we got him in the car, we promised to take him through McDonalds drive-through as a reward for his bravery. After shoveling 10 french fries in his mouth, he promptly threw up in the car.  Thank goodness for leather seats. Much easier to clean.

Posted in Never a dull moment | Tagged , , , | 8 Comments »

Another storm

January 22, 2010 by Mandi

It’s been over a month since my last post.  I still had the Christmas theme template activated.  It’s nice to finally change that. 

 The last month has been pretty much a blur.  Christmas has come and gone.  We survived 2 weeks of the kids being out of school. But just barely.  Just because Christmas break is over and school is back in session, doesn’t mean that Matthew is ready to immediately fall back into the original routine. His volatile behavior has hit a new peak. Over the past few weeks, it has become crystal clear to me that Matt’s first priority over everything else is to seek control.  Not necessarily in a dogmatic sort of way.  It’s more like he realises our world makes no sense to him so he wants to create his own world and we all better adapt to it….or esle!  Ok, I guess that’s a little dogmatic.  The screaming, throwing, hitting, kicking, and breaking was becoming a daily event.  Some days, it was an hourly event.  Anything and everything would trigger an outburst.  In these past few weeks I have felt anger, fear, desperation, and despair.   “What is going on with  him?”  “Why can’t we help him?”  “What are we doing wrong?” 

John and I have learned very quickly that most of our problem solving with Matthew is aquired through trial and error.  If one thing doesn’t work, try another.  If what worked before isn’t working now, try something new. Seek the advice on what is working for other parents of autistic children. But lately, things had become so intense and difficult with Matt over the past month that we ran out of ideas of what to try. Keep in mind, we were mentally and emotionally drained.  So I finally called his doctor. “How is Matt’s sleeping?”, she asked.  “Poor as usual”, I answered.  “He still wakes up in the middle of the night and he  still can’t sleep past 4am.” 

So, she agreed that the current medicine he has been taking for the past 3 years has lost its effectiveness.   As of 10 days ago, Matt began a new medicine that is an antidepressant. The primary reason for Matt taking it is so that he can sleep better.  It works, Praise God!  Sleeping in untill 6am is just blissful!  He has been less volatile as well. Could this be the answer?  Maybe for now.  But as we all know, life is a rollercoaster. To me it’s like being on a sailboat in the middle of an ocean.  The waters are calm and it’s peaceful.  But I know there will be a storm coming eventually.  I don’t fret about the storm.  It’s going to come whether I freak out or not.  I use that peaceful time to rest up, enjoy my family, and enjoy my life.  I thank God for giving me the calm days and I pray for more of them.  But when the storm hits, I brace myself and know that we are not  going to go through it alone.  Praise God for that!

 

Posted in Never a dull moment | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Coping

December 15, 2009 by Mandi

I am often asked how is it that I am able to cope with all the stress that goes on in my life. People often say “I don’t know how you do it!  I’d go crazy!”  I do take these comments as complimentary.  But I also think people tend to underestimate themselves. My response to them is usually,  ”You’d be surprised at what you can handle when you don’t have any other options.”  That’s also where God comes in.  When things seem impossible, I know it’s God who is giving me strength to not drive  voluntarily into a brick wall. 

*ok here’s my little disclaimer:  I would never drive into a brick wall…….. on purpose.  If you really know me, statements like that are all part of my sick sense of humor.*

Nobody is immune to stress.  Everybody has different ways of coping with stress.  Some coping methods are good. Some are bad.  And some are just kind of odd. My husband’s way of coping with stress is by doing Tai Chi. A very good method. He does this every morning.  He is very interested in martial arts and has been doing it for the past 13 years.  He also runs 4 times a week.  He has been trying to get me to do the Tai Chi for the past 12 years.  I’m still not interested. But that’s ok, because like I said, everybody has a different way of coping with what life throws at them.

I prefer running. I never run immediately after a stressful moment has hit its peak. Like right after Matt throws a full glass of juice at the wall, I’m not in the mood to do a 5 miler. I think of the running as maintenance.  It gives me energy to face the day.   When I go too long without running, I find myself becoming moody.  Lately, I’ve been getting bored with the running which could possibly explain my irritable mood these past few days.  Time for me to get out the old bike trainer.

Another way I am able to cope with the stress is by doing this blog. If nobody ever  read my blogs, I would still write them.  It’s good therapy.  I know that someday in the future I will take a look at the blogs and say “Wow, I forgot how hard life was then.  We made it!” 

As I mentioned earlier, people may sometimes have odd coping methods.  My odd coping method begins after the kids are in bed. I pop in an “Everybody Loves Raymond” dvd and watch it till I fall asleep.  That will take anywhere from 10 min to 2 hours. I have seen each episode countless times.  John still can’t figure out what the appeal is.  Especially with that show.  He hates that show. Not me.  I explained to John how our lives are full of surprises, noise, and chaos. I just want to sit down and watch a program where I know exactly what is going to happen.  I can always count on Ray being helpless, Robert being jealous, and Debra being irritable.  I can always count on the father-in-law being repulsive.  Best of all, I can always count of the mother-in-law being intrusive, critical, and loud. I find all of this hysterical.  John finds the show stressful and annoying.  I would like to note that the characters in this show don’t reflect our family.  I happen to have the best in-laws anybody could ever ask for! I just enjoy the predictability that comes with watching those dvd’s.  It’s my escape and it makes me laugh.

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Matthew Claus

December 11, 2009 by Mandi

I have such creative children.  A few days ago, Alec (9yrs old) surprised me with his wonderful Christmas story that he wrote http://greatvillage.wordpress.com/2009/12/07/i-must-be-doing-something-right/. And today, Matthew invented a simple sleigh using a bath towel! These ideas do not come from me.  The best part of their projects is the fact that they think of them all on their own. 

Matthew also came up with the idea to use snowflake stickers as festive tape to attach the reins to the towel.  Just a little note that these snowflake stickers are actually postage stamps that I carelessly left within his reach.  I wasn’t about to take them away though.  The sleigh he made is priceless.  Notice behind him in the picture are stacked gift boxes. These, of course are Santa’s toys that he will deliver.  Also his idea. 

The only idea I suggested to him was to put pants on since he was wearing only underwear while he built the sleigh. I told him, “Santa doesn’t deliver presents in his Spongebob underwear so neither should you.” 

Merry Christmas!

Posted in Never a dull moment | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment »

I must be doing something right.

December 7, 2009 by Mandi

Yesterday my 9-year-old son Alec asked me if he could write a Christmas story on the computer.  I was a little apprehensive about the idea because I know how this kid’s mind thinks.  But how could I say no to my son who wants to express his creativity through writing?!  So, I said, “Ok, but there are two rules to follow:  1.  Do not email the story.  2.  Be appropriate.”

I was sure after rule number 2, he would change his mind.  But he was still excited so I went downstairs and let him do his thing.  After about 25 minutes, he came downstairs and handed me a sheet of paper with his story on it.  I was certain the title would be something like “Santa’s Elves Declare War and Take Over the World”, or “All girls belong on Santa’s naughty list”. 

To my surprise, his story was nothing like that.  So here, I give you Alec’s Christmas story:

The Christmas carol   by Alec Coats

 Ones a pond a time there were two brothers name alec and matthew  they were rich people. Alec and Matthew always fighting and they were selfish and rude. There were pour (poor) people. One day Alec and Matthew were visetid by two goest. One goest was name papa phil and the other goest was grandma Linda they both told Alec and Matthew what will happen if they didn’t straiten up. Then they woke up then they remember what the goest told them. They disided (decided) to go to church. After church they wrap up presents for the pour (poor). They walk up to a tent that some people were living in. They saw Alec and Matthew . Then they open the tent. Alec and Matthew gave the presents to the people they were very happy.  The End                                                                                                                            

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One person’s bad day can be another person’s good day.

December 7, 2009 by Mandi

Weekends are always our most difficult times with Matthew.  One minute he can be the sweetest boy and then the next….BOOM!  In our house, there are a lot of “BOOM” moments.  John and I spend most of our weekends tag-teaming.  It’s hard and anything but ideal.

 For the past several years we have come to dread the weekends. No matter how much planning was involved or how rigid of a routine we created, the weekends have always been incredibly difficult. So every Sunday night, I say a special prayer thanking God for getting us through yet another weekend. Good or bad, I thank God.  I will admit that I don’t give God as gracious of a thank-you on a bad weekend.  A time  or two, I’ve given God a sarcastic, “Thanks a lot!”  But I know He has a sense of humor.  I also know that God can handle me being angry with Him.  He knows deep down, I really am appreciative.

So now it’s Sunday evening and the weekend is over.  Matthew has thrown a grand total of 5 major tantrums.  When I mean major, I don’t mean throwing himself on the floor kicking and screaming and flopping around. If that were all Matthew did when he’s upset, my life would be a breeze.  Many kids with autism don’t have  a great amount of impulse control.  Matt is one of those kids. I don’t count the minor and moderate meltdowns that he has. Those meltdowns dont’ take nearly as much out of me as the major ones do. 

So the weekend is over. I am tired. I also make a mental note that the 5 major meltdowns are a huge decrease from the regular 10-12 he has per weekend. So does that mean it’s a good weekend?  I think so.  It helped that Matt was kept busy. It helped that Alec was kept busy.  Like usual, Matthew is spending Sunday night with his Grandma tonight. This is so I can catch up on sleep and have quality time with Alec. So why am I sitting here typing?  See ya! I’m off to play Mario Kart with my son :)

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Christmas decorations……a double-edged sword.

December 1, 2009 by Mandi

As I have mentioned in a previous post, I really enjoy this time of year. But I am noticing that the long list of holiday things I enjoy is becoming shorter and shorter every year.  For example, one of the things I use to have fun doing was taking pictures of the boys for our family Christmas card.  It’s fun when they’re babies. They just sit there and look cute.  That has all changed.  Alec would have his tongue sticking out and Matt would have his finger up his nose, and if not, he’d have it up Alec’s nose.   When they weren’t doing that, they were pulling each other’s hair.  I don’t need these type of Hallmark memories.  One year I became so frustrated that I actually took the picture of them while they were sleeping. They looked so peaceful  And I tell you what, it was the best picture I had ever taken! It was even featured in a local magazine! 

This year I have a new task that I am tempted to cross off my “Fun Things to do at Christmas Time” list.  And that is decorate the house.  Understand that I would never choose not to decorate the house for Christmas. The kids would be devastated. Besides, it’s tradition. I just don’t find it as fun as I used to.  No, I am not becoming a Scrooge. I am not just being lazy. 

I am not a perfectionist so decorating isn’t usually so stressful for me.  It is for Matthew.  Matt has OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) tendencies. He has not been diagnosed with this disorder…yet.  This obsessive behavior he has is more related to his autism.  I’m going to cut to the chase….it really really SUCKS! 

Let me give you an example.  As he was closely examining the little artificial tree for the 17th time yesterday, he noticed one of the little bulbs was burnt out.  It was hard for me to notice it, especially since all the others work. Now if you are like me, you will just tuck that bulb behind a branch and ignore it.  But not Matthew.  “OH NO!!!!”, he shouts.  “We have to fix it!!”.  So I get into the box where I placed a spare light bulb.  I removed the old one and placed the new one in.  It was such an incredibly tight fit, I couldn’t even get it to completely connect.  It actually broke while I tried pushing it through and stabbed my hand.  “Matthew, it doesn’t work, but it’s ok, we can hide it.” I said as I placed the old one back in.  “OH NOOOOOO!!!”  he screamed.  Then the wall kicking began.  I wasn’t exactly in the mood to restrain him, especially since I had blood gushing out of the palm of my hand from the broken light bulb. 

“Matthew, don’t hurt my house!”  I said.

 He kicked harder screaming ”It’s broken!!! Christmas tree is stupid!” The wall kicking turned into tree wrestling so I grabbed hold and restrained him until he settled. 

*sigh*  Only about 3 1/2 more weeks of this?

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Family addition

November 30, 2009 by Mandi

I have 2 brand new baby kittens. I’m such a sucker.  I am the last person who needs to take on any extra responsibility.  But I couldn’t say no.  I really love animals and was fearful that they would wind up getting euthanized if I didn’t adopt them soon.  But I’ve adopted  2 older cats before and found them to be surprisingly low maintenance.  These two new kittens are a different story.

When I went to go pick them up, I was shocked at how young they were. Three weeks!! The owner of the mama cat was afraid that these kittens (who were born under a house) would turn wild and be impossible to catch.  So, he grabbed them while he could.  Too soon for them to be away from their mom.  They still have to be bottle fed. Oy (first time I used that word!!)

So here I am, mama of 2 boys (one with special needs), 4 cats, and a dog. Sure these baby kittens are cute, but man are they loud!  And pigs! I named the black one Dexter after my favorite Showtime serial killer (Don’t worry, he only kills really bad people).  The other kitten’s name is Yoshi after my favorite Mario Kart character :) .

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